Tuesday, September 16, 2014

5&5 timing


I find my timing to be wonky on posting these.  I usually do my 5&5 at night, before bed. And I usually go to bed way too late. So I decided I'll still write them at night as usual, but then I'll repost in the morning. Just in case you were wondering. 


Laments:
1. That 80's rock includes Bill Seger. 
2. That videos that old remind me of *just* how much weight I've gained in 28 years. yeesh
3. Neighbor friends who move away. 
4. That I can make a comparison including the words "28 years"!
5. Headaches

Gratitudes:
1. For (non-satellite) radio stations that still play 80's rock. 
2. For old video tapes that remind me of good times and old friends, some of whom I still am in touch with. 
3. Neighbors who are also friends. 
4. For Netflix. It's just so cool!
5. Advil and ice packs










Thursday, September 11, 2014

We All Deal With Crap, Mine Just Has A Name






I had this post all ready to go and you'll read why I specifically chose today, but I couldn't just publish it without a mention of 9/11.  Never forget. How could we?


Can you believe it’s been a month already?  One month since Robin Williams died. I shared in my post about him how it affected me, especially in those first days. Since then, I’ve been thinking even more. (By they way, PBS is running a retrospective about him in the next week. I saw it last night and recommend it.)

It seems people have become a little more open about their own depression. Even if they aren’t ready to talk publicly about it, they seem to be sharing more with others who have. I think this is really healthy, if not to help get the word out, but to identify each other for our own support.  But the reason people are so reluctant is that there is still the stigma attached to mental illness, even if it’s “just” depression. (As a sufferer, I say that completely sarcastically. Unfortunately, there are still people who misunderstand depression to = sadness, and don’t understand the debilitating disorder that it is.)


When I shared just a little about understanding depression, I received quite a few private responses from people thanking me and sharing bits of their stories. People who I had no idea that they dealt with depression. It confirmed to me one of the purposes of my blog: that it was time for me to open up about my own mental illness. If more of us aren’t transparent, how will more of us feel brave enough to be transparent? And as more and more of us are, I’m hoping the novelty or the freak show aspect of it diminishes.


This does not mean I will always be reverent.  I find GREAT help in humor both for myself, and for dealing with the jerks who are mean.


I still have anxiety over it all. What will people think?  What will people say?  How can I best explain it?  Do I own an explanation?  How will people look at me or treat me differently? I’ve had people turn it on me before,  and that’s always a concern. Mean people are going to be mean, and I have to tell myself not to worry about that. What I like to say (if even to myself) is that we all have issues & crap to deal with...mine just has a name.


After years of searching, I was finally diagnosed with Type II Bipolar Disorder.  I’ll be writing more in depth, but for now, the nutshell version of Type II vs. Type I, is that my mania is hypomania and not usually the “fun” kind that’s often portrayed in movies and TV. I just get highly irritable. Small background sounds that most people tune out DRIVE ME CRAZY (see… politically incorrect there with “crazy”).  Add in a healthy dose of anxiety over normal, everyday tasks and then the depression; lying, incapacitating, horrible depression.


The good brief definition of Type II Bipolar Disorder comes from WebMD (complete with pronunciation. Thanks WebMD!):


Bipolar II disorder (pronounced "bipolar two") is a form of mental illness. 
Bipolar II is similar to bipolar I disorder, with moods cycling between high 
and low over time. However, in bipolar II disorder, the "up" moods never 
reach full-blown mania. The less-intense elevated moods in bipolar II 
disorder are called hypomanic episodes, or hypomania.


A person affected by bipolar II disorder has had at least one hypomanic 
episode in his or her life. Most people with bipolar II disorder suffer more 
often from episodes of depression. This is where the term "manic 
depression" comes from.


In between episodes of hypomania and depression, many people with 
bipolar II disorder live normal lives. (I would have written “normal”.)


So the truth is out there. If you suffer too, from any mental disorder, please know you are not alone. Feel free to share in the comments anonymously if that helps.  

Tuesday, September 09, 2014

5&5


Laments:
1. Headaches...
2. School staff who are unhelpful. WHY make this your job if you are MEAN?
3. The carpet in my house...still disgusting.
4. I tweaked my knee. How? um....by walking. It's starting to feel better, but seriously, after 1/2 hour on the treadmill yesterday, I don't know what went wrong.  It must have been one of the sprint intervals where I ran. (It's got to be the running) :)
5. I didn't get done as much as I had hoped today because of unforeseen interruptions.

Gratitudes:
1. I had an impromptu coffee date with my youngest. He had a rough morning and I took advantage of the extra traffic that would have resulted in him being late anyhow.
2. My daughter missed her train to school, so she was home longer. We had some nice times to chat and joke around. 
3. My oldest son was up earlier than normal and working, but he came in for lunch and I had some time with him too.  In fact some of it was with the 3 of us and it was great!
4. Seinfeld. Makes me laugh always.
5. Texting. I love being able to communicate in a group with friends from different time zones about serious or random crap that makes me laugh. 

How about you?

Sunday, September 07, 2014

Sunday 5 & 5



Laments:

1. Oh My gosh... the shelf with my tupperware/food storage containers. It's a black hole (or triangle). I organize it, others unorganize it and it's almost impossible to find anything.

2. The neighbor who had his RV A/C running almost 24 hours. (I can't handle the constant noise)

3. Damp bathrooms showers that are impossible to keep clean.

4. Ants. I hate them.

5. Our driveway. It's a tandem style so we're constantly jockeying cars, and it's rock.


Gratitudes:

1. All 6 of us were home for dinner tonight.

2. AND since we were all here, we got to catch up on the new season of Doctor Who!

3. I've had the motivation lately to tackle some very small but annoying home improvement tasks that have made life a bit more enjoyable.

4. My Kirby vacuum rules. 

5. Flamingos. They are pretty and make me smile.


How about you?  Any gripes you need to vent?  Anything you're particularly thankful for today?

Thursday, September 04, 2014

Drive-Thru Fun or How to Mess With A Middle Schooler

Last night we went to Honors night at my youngest son's middle school. He started the evening a little disappointed since none of his siblings were able to attend.

Because of the timing, he was able to still make it to Wednesday night youth group, but had left home early enough that he hadn't had dinner. I remembered a coupon I had in my purse from the BlogHer blogging conference I went to this summer. We don't eat out a lot, so anything is usually a treat. But this was for a McDonald's Happy Meal.  I can't remember the last time I bought a Happy Meal. I mean, we've stopped at McDonald's on occasion if we're traveling, but even that had lost it's charm after the whole "pink slime" issue (and which, after looking for a link to help educate those unfamiliar with it, I am sad to see it's making a comeback).

I asked my son if he wanted it and he smiled and seemed suddenly glad he was the only one in the car with us. As we approached the window, my husband asked if he wanted to order. When my son said no, that's all my husband needed to hear. He began to talk with the drive thru attendant as loudly as he could, and as slow as he could without causing suspicion, but making sure she was probably rolling her eyes. He asked questions about the Happy Meal as if he had never been to a McDonald's. 

     Husband: Ahhhh, oh. I'm ready to order now.

     Drive-Thru employee: Yes sir, go ahead.

     H: Ahhhh, do you have Happy Meals?

     DTe: Yes, we do.

     H: What kind of Happy Meals do you have?

     DTe: lists every type of Happy Meal

     H: Ahhhh, ok. I'll have the McDouble. Does that come with french fries?

     DTe: Yes sir.

     H:  Ahhhh, ok. I'll have some fries with that. 

     DTe:  Would you like apple slices or yogurt?

     H: Ahhhh, apple slices. (son not knowing there were 3 apple slices in the bag)

     DTe: What would you like to drink?

     H: Ahhhh, what are the choices? Is there soda? (right now DTe was thankful          she didn't have to list every drink available)

     DTe: Yes

     H: Coke, I'll take a coke please.

     DTe: Is this for a girl or for a boy?

     H: This is for a boy.

     DTe: ok, is there anything else?

     H: Ahhhh, yeah. I have another question. Do you guys sell Unhappy Meals?

     DTe:  excuse me?

     H: I was wondering if you sold Unhappy Meals, like if I were sad. 

     DTe: (breaks and starts to laugh) No, no we don't.

     H: Awww....ok, no Unhappy Meals.

     DTe: No, (still laughing) we're only happy here. 

     H: Ok, that's it then.

Meanwhile, I'm laughing and my son is in the back seat, mortified. He has changed into a more casual shirt and his dress shirt is draped over his face. (Kinda like that drive-thru prank where the driver is disguised as a seat, but my son's black clothes didn't totally blend into the grey seats.)



                         (mom-is-not-an-artist's rendering)

My husband drives around the corner and the Drive-Thru employee greets him with a big smile. (son is still covered) As we drive away, my son opens the Happy Meal and checks the toy. NOT for a boy. 
But perfect to add to the messing with a middle schooler.