5 & 5 is back

I've made notes to myself over & over about how I need/want to get back to the 5&5 that I originally wrote when I started blogging. I love writing, and want to blog regularly - but it seems at the end of the day I am just so depleted of energy, that it gets pushed off with the other things I am procrastinating. So for now, I think I'll try to concentrate on the 5&5, and if and when I am so moved to write more, I will :)

Laments:
1. I am so worn out, fed up and overwhelmed with the impact that having Bipolar Disorder has on me & my family (because yes, they carry the burden too)

2. I've gained at least 15# back of the 55# I've lost. (ok "lost" is such a lame term. I didn't lost it, with great effort, I pushed that shit off my body) I am also overwhelmed with the constant, daily, minute-by-minute struggle/battle/obsession with weight & food.

3. The hubby & I have plans to get away this weekend. This isn't so much of a romantic getaway, but it's meant for planning/strategizing/budgeting for the next year. We just found out that there's a memorial planned for that day. This is for a man who was the patriarch of a family that my family has been friends with for many years, and was the father of hubby's boss of 15 years before he started is own business. It's one of those complicated, intricate family/business relationships that you just really "should" go to.

4. I miss my kids. This summer is weird. Daughter & Son1 are at an all day theatre conservatory that lasts until mid-July. And Son3was fortunate enough to be invited to participate in a camp that a FUN & wonderful friend of ours is running. She had an extra spot and invited him to come play all day. So it's me & Son2 together which is fine...it's just weird. I miss the days of the past 2 summers going places together.

5. I loathe bearing the burden of the family budget/bills, etc. I actually enjoy doing it, but because we deal in mostly cash & some debit, it can be a pain in the ass moving money around.


Gratitudes:
1. I am thankful that even though hubby still doesn't receive a full paycheck, it is more than unemployment paid last year and that we have some money to move around.

2. By and large, I do have meds that are mostly effective

3. As janky or quirky as they may be, for now we have two working vehicles.

4. I am a resourceful person and that goes a long way with our limited resources. I'm also (hopefully) teaching our kids to be wise & resourceful.

5. Getting some 1 on 1 time with Son2. Up for today at his request; a sewing lesson.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sentiment and Nostalgia

Image
I’m feeling very sentimental.   It started when I walked by a campfire. Children (I'm assuming) full of imagination built a firepit on their lawn.  There was a group of fist-sized rocks laid out in a circle about a foot in diameter.  I n the middle, they had placed twigs piled up on each other and topped it off with a little bit of tinder.  I pictured them pretending they were camping, going on adventures and roasting s'mores.    I flashed back to our own backyard to when my kids were younger and the games they would play. Later in the day, Sam’s (the “baby” of our bunch) 5th-grade promotion ceremony  photos come up in my memory feed. Today that kid is a high school junior.   This afternoon I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie. He asked me to pull out some DVDs and then he would pick one from my selections. I chose a variety of genres and he popped in Toy Story.  More emotions, seemingly out of nowhere, started to flood my heart.  (Yes, we still watch actual
Read more

The End of NoBloPoMo, the Beginning of Success

Image
This is the part where I want to slip back into being fearful; fearful I will "peter out", quit and ultimately, fail at the goal I set. (I wonder who exactly was responsible for the term, "peter out", and if other Peters after him felt like he gave them the bum deal.) This goal, if you've followed along, was to participate in NaBloPoMo which to me meant I would be posting daily since that was the challenge . I've missed some days. Part of me wants to mistreat myself, talk down to myself and tell myself what a loser I am; the old part of me. The healthier part of me (who is winning a little more each day) encourages me. The one or two days I forgot shouldn't be a big deal.  There were days I felt like I had nothing more to offer than what would fit in a facebook post or tweet.  On those days, I chose not to make a separate blog post since I only have 2 followers on my blog and use my facebook to promote what I write anyhow. The bigger accomplishme
Read more

We All Deal With Crap, Mine Just Has A Name

Image
I had this post all ready to go and you'll read why I specifically chose today, but I couldn't just publish it without a mention of 9/11.  N ever forget. How could we? Can you believe it’s been a month already?  One month since Robin Williams died. I shared in my post about him how it affected me, especially in those first days. Since then, I’ve been thinking even more. (By they way, PBS is running a retrospective about him in the next week. I saw it last night and recommend it.) It seems people have become a little more open about their own depression. Even if they aren’t ready to talk publicly about it, they seem to be sharing more with others who have. I think this is really healthy, if not to help get the word out, but to identify each other for our own support.  But the reason people are so reluctant is that there is still the stigma attached to mental illness, even if it’s “just” depression. (As a sufferer, I say that completely sarcastically. Unfortuna
Read more